When I was a kid some of my favorite things to play with were the pots and pans from the kitchen cupboard. I would sit on the kitchen floor and bang away on the bottom of the cookware with a couple of wooden spoons. I am pretty sure my musical endeavors single-handedly kept Tylenol in business, what with all the headaches I gave my parents. When my parents finally kicked me out of the kitchen so they could make dinner (and salvage their eardrums), I would dump Legos all over the floor and build worlds for the Lego people to inhabit.

Today all the toys out there are “educational” and come with scientific-sounding claims promising to “stimulate neural development”. Blocks are labeled with numbers or letters. Stuffed animals tell you about their natural habitat when you squeeze some part of them. Board games teach everything from manners to math. Well-meaning though it might be, this whole focus on educational toys is doing our children a disservice. Don’t get me wrong, I am not entirely anti-smart toys. I mean, Scrabble is one of my all-time favorite games, but more and more parents are eschewing toys that do not provide a specified educational purpose in their attempts to provide their children with the best possible environment. Children are surrounded by toys that are designed to improve their fine or gross motor skills, enhance their academic prowess, or augment their social development. And in the process, kids are getting the short end of the stick.

First of all, let’s be clear about the science. Yes, children do require certain experiences such as visual input and social interaction in order to develop normally. Yes, early experiences contribute to a child’s repertoire of skills. However, no evidence exists to prove that extra experiences in the form of “educational” toys allows for extraordinary development.

Secondly, educational toys are, by definition, structured. Thus they discourage free play, inhibit creativity and imagination, and parents or educators may try to use them as a stand-in for real interactions. When blocks can only be linked in alphabetical order or to express a correct mathematical equation, it limits how a child can play with them. Toys that play recorded messages when activated by a child cannot simulate the complex social interactions of the playground. The inherent structure provided by “smart toys” prevents exploration and adventurous behavior. And when kids are constantly being provided with a structured activity that tells them what to do, they never develop the ability to entertain themselves.

The old-school toys that we grew up with are good enough for your kids. If you stop and think about it, you can find something educational about a lot of them, too. For example, Legos and building blocks can help develop spatial skills. Twister improves motor skills while also fostering team work and cooperation. Board games like Mouse Trap or Chutes and Ladders teach children about cause and effect and consequences while also teaching them to take turns. Pick Up Sticks or Jacks can work on fine motor skills. The dress-up box and that stick they found in the backyard provide tools for symbolic play, also known as “make believe”, which is associated with benefits in literacy, creativity, memory, perspective taking, and self-regulation.

Educational toys can also stunt the parent-child relationship. Parents tend to go into teaching mode with educational toys, emphasizing the academic concepts over play and socialization. While this may improve understanding of academic concepts, it can create a different dynamic than you want to have with your child. Playing together offers the opportunity to build an emotional bond, create a positive and safe environment for exploration, and strengthen family unity. When you join children in their play world, it helps you to understand them better. If you are constantly in teaching mode and every play activity is purposeful and goal-oriented, it can interfere with parent-child bonding.

Bottom line: the best way for children to learn and develop new skills is through personal experience. Play is the way that children learn how to solve problems, build skills, and overcome physical and mental challenges. So stock the toy box with toys that encourage exploration, foster imagination and role playing, and promote social interaction. And engage in play with your children. Grab a slinky and watch it walk down the stairs. Or give your child the box of stuff you were going to donate to Goodwill and see what they do with it.

Specifically for parents of children with autism:

Between school, ABA therapy, speech therapy, and occupational or physical therapy, children with autism spend a lot of time in structured environments. This emphasis on structured activities in supervised environments may not always provide a lot of opportunities for self discovery and personal development. If a child never has the opportunity to spend time in a loosely-structured environment (such as free-playing with toys, peers, or attempting an activity with minimal adult interference), he or she will never learn how to deal with those situations. Studies have shown that self stimulatory behaviors decrease as appropriate play skills increase. Research also indicates that autistic children who possess appropriate play skills are able to generalize and have better self management skills. Studies also show that while children with autism rarely spontaneously exhibit symbolic play, they are able to learn to engage in symbolic play, which helps them understand complex ideas and relationships and improves interaction skills. So, by all means, keep up with the therapy programs that are benefitting your child, but also make sure they have ample time to play, both with the family and by themselves.